yikes, i'm not white!
okay, so i've finished my readings for this week. (mental props are welcomed)
now, i have the dreaded paper to write. to think i have another issue paper due sometime next month is just not sitting well with me.
now i'm thinking is it really that bad? i mean, i'm getting a pretty good education here and at least i'm not really suffering right? i could be dead in the gutter somewhere pumped full of speed or something other form of drugs. or i could be working at the VA again, which is horror beyond horrors.
i'm going to go take a nice hot shower and i'm going to come back and start on this. from this moment on i'm going to take hold of my life and i'm going to start on my papers early. yes, you've read it here first. i'm not going to procrastinate anymore.
someone mentioned that she enjoys reading my blog and that she likes the way i write (thanks, julia) which she correlated to ease of writing academic papers. as much as i wish she was correct in the matter, writing academic papers is really difficult for me. i'm sure just like everyone else, the first (introduction) paragraph is like my everest. it's nearly impossible. i envy those people who could churn out a paper in like three or four hours. maybe it's because i not very good with concentrating on the task at hand. i think it takes me like several hours to come up with my intro and then it gets slightly easier after that.
i've been slacking off this week big time. i didn't do much of anything since wednesday and i guess i'm paying heavily for it now. i did watch my first episodes of sex and the city. i didn't think it's as great as what people make it out to be. maybe it's just me. kristin davis is definitely the best looking women on that cast. it's kinda sexist of me to say that, but hey, i'm a guy after all.
i'm not sure if i mentioned this on a previous blog or not. i don't think so given the frequency of which i blog nowadays, which isn't very much. so several weeks ago, i was climbing into my car at school, when some guy in an electric wheelchair came up next to me and asked me for some change so he can buy his kids some food. of course, i said the obligatory "sorry don't have any." then he said something to the effect of damn foreigners being penny pinchers.
now, let me interject here for a second. since coming to america, which basically has been 21 years now, i've never been attacked racially. sure, i have some guy in high school (scott r.) tell me that he hated me. it's sort of funny because i didn't even know him that well. i must have pissed him off in a previous life. anyway, so never have i been attacked for being a foreigner before.
in a way, i've always seen myself just like everyone else. correct me if i'm wrong, but i feel that i think like a white person all the time. only when i'm at a chinese restaurant or at a chinese market do i think like an asian. in a way, my perception of myself is that of a white person. i know people joke a lot about me WANTING to be white (bno and all that british crap). but having grown up here in america and the fact that most of my asian friends were born here or came here at an early age, i don't really think "asianally" (not a word). i don't think in terms of what a chinese person would think. if that was the case, i would probably be in law school or medical school right now (yes, i know. stereotypical fran coming out) anyway, a lot of the time, i'm more comfortable being in situations where there were more white people than asians. maybe it's because i feel asian people are privately judging me in some way.
so anyway, i retorted to the guy, "well yeah, and we're all rich." it was like the first stereotype i can think of in my head. it's probably not the best thing to do in that kind of situation. but i was a bit pissed off. how dare he say such a thing to me. fuck, i've been living in this country for the majority of my life, i pay taxes so he can get social security benefits. and he's bitching at ME for not giving him money? anyway, he came back with "go back to you own country."
WOW, how fucked up is that? i just rephrased my "all asians are rich" bullshit at him as i drove away. the ironic thing is that i'm not rich, which is pretty much the funny part in this whole story. i wasn't mad, i was more shocked than anything. i think it's the first time that someone saw me as different, which is a bit of a shock.
so now, i'm beginning to think a lot about being different. inside, i don't feel any different from the white people i know. but now i know that people see me as chinese (or asian) and that's definitely an eye-opener for me. deidra mentioned that i don't really have a lot of white friends, especially white female friends. and the truth of the matter is that i don't really have a lot of white friends. i guess there is mark, but mark's a fucking egg, so he really doesn't count.
i don't think i specifically pick out my close friends because they are asian. they just happen to be asian. i think i definitely get along with white people, as evident from some people i met at school. do i intentionally pick out non-asians as friends? i generally talk to people who are either white or latino/a when i'm at school. do i make it a point not to seek out asians at school to talk to?
well anyway, that's something i have to think about now. oh, i almost ran over some girl several weeks ago. the sun was in my eyes, and my windshield is really dirty, so i didn't see her. luckily, i stopped because there was a stop sign, and i heard someone hitting the hood of my car. i looked, and there was some girl on a walk. yikes. sorry about that.
i finally went to finish seeing hero with deidra on wednesday. it wasn't as good as i thought it would be. on friday, i went to see "friday night lights," which was okay as well. it's no hoosier. so as you can see, i totally slacked off this week, and i feel no guilt. no guilt, but just pain now cuz i have that paper hanging over my head. blah.
okay, time to go shower.
now, i have the dreaded paper to write. to think i have another issue paper due sometime next month is just not sitting well with me.
now i'm thinking is it really that bad? i mean, i'm getting a pretty good education here and at least i'm not really suffering right? i could be dead in the gutter somewhere pumped full of speed or something other form of drugs. or i could be working at the VA again, which is horror beyond horrors.
i'm going to go take a nice hot shower and i'm going to come back and start on this. from this moment on i'm going to take hold of my life and i'm going to start on my papers early. yes, you've read it here first. i'm not going to procrastinate anymore.
someone mentioned that she enjoys reading my blog and that she likes the way i write (thanks, julia) which she correlated to ease of writing academic papers. as much as i wish she was correct in the matter, writing academic papers is really difficult for me. i'm sure just like everyone else, the first (introduction) paragraph is like my everest. it's nearly impossible. i envy those people who could churn out a paper in like three or four hours. maybe it's because i not very good with concentrating on the task at hand. i think it takes me like several hours to come up with my intro and then it gets slightly easier after that.
i've been slacking off this week big time. i didn't do much of anything since wednesday and i guess i'm paying heavily for it now. i did watch my first episodes of sex and the city. i didn't think it's as great as what people make it out to be. maybe it's just me. kristin davis is definitely the best looking women on that cast. it's kinda sexist of me to say that, but hey, i'm a guy after all.
i'm not sure if i mentioned this on a previous blog or not. i don't think so given the frequency of which i blog nowadays, which isn't very much. so several weeks ago, i was climbing into my car at school, when some guy in an electric wheelchair came up next to me and asked me for some change so he can buy his kids some food. of course, i said the obligatory "sorry don't have any." then he said something to the effect of damn foreigners being penny pinchers.
now, let me interject here for a second. since coming to america, which basically has been 21 years now, i've never been attacked racially. sure, i have some guy in high school (scott r.) tell me that he hated me. it's sort of funny because i didn't even know him that well. i must have pissed him off in a previous life. anyway, so never have i been attacked for being a foreigner before.
in a way, i've always seen myself just like everyone else. correct me if i'm wrong, but i feel that i think like a white person all the time. only when i'm at a chinese restaurant or at a chinese market do i think like an asian. in a way, my perception of myself is that of a white person. i know people joke a lot about me WANTING to be white (bno and all that british crap). but having grown up here in america and the fact that most of my asian friends were born here or came here at an early age, i don't really think "asianally" (not a word). i don't think in terms of what a chinese person would think. if that was the case, i would probably be in law school or medical school right now (yes, i know. stereotypical fran coming out) anyway, a lot of the time, i'm more comfortable being in situations where there were more white people than asians. maybe it's because i feel asian people are privately judging me in some way.
so anyway, i retorted to the guy, "well yeah, and we're all rich." it was like the first stereotype i can think of in my head. it's probably not the best thing to do in that kind of situation. but i was a bit pissed off. how dare he say such a thing to me. fuck, i've been living in this country for the majority of my life, i pay taxes so he can get social security benefits. and he's bitching at ME for not giving him money? anyway, he came back with "go back to you own country."
WOW, how fucked up is that? i just rephrased my "all asians are rich" bullshit at him as i drove away. the ironic thing is that i'm not rich, which is pretty much the funny part in this whole story. i wasn't mad, i was more shocked than anything. i think it's the first time that someone saw me as different, which is a bit of a shock.
so now, i'm beginning to think a lot about being different. inside, i don't feel any different from the white people i know. but now i know that people see me as chinese (or asian) and that's definitely an eye-opener for me. deidra mentioned that i don't really have a lot of white friends, especially white female friends. and the truth of the matter is that i don't really have a lot of white friends. i guess there is mark, but mark's a fucking egg, so he really doesn't count.
i don't think i specifically pick out my close friends because they are asian. they just happen to be asian. i think i definitely get along with white people, as evident from some people i met at school. do i intentionally pick out non-asians as friends? i generally talk to people who are either white or latino/a when i'm at school. do i make it a point not to seek out asians at school to talk to?
well anyway, that's something i have to think about now. oh, i almost ran over some girl several weeks ago. the sun was in my eyes, and my windshield is really dirty, so i didn't see her. luckily, i stopped because there was a stop sign, and i heard someone hitting the hood of my car. i looked, and there was some girl on a walk. yikes. sorry about that.
i finally went to finish seeing hero with deidra on wednesday. it wasn't as good as i thought it would be. on friday, i went to see "friday night lights," which was okay as well. it's no hoosier. so as you can see, i totally slacked off this week, and i feel no guilt. no guilt, but just pain now cuz i have that paper hanging over my head. blah.
okay, time to go shower.
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