what's been ailing you brother?
growing old is a very strange experience. i remember when my parents would have trouble sleeping because of the problems they had at the time. until recently, i always laughed at the idea that people can't sleep because of their worries. the past couple of months, i've been having trouble sleeping and realized that it's not so funny anymore.
part of growing up or growing old means that one has more responsibilities. now i worry about paying off my school loans, my credit card bills, any bills for that matter, how i can get my marriage to work again, how to go about getting a new, better paying job, getting out of this funk i've been in for the past year, being more optimistic about life, and not being so annoyed by things or being critical of every little thing.
i've never been one who value sleep. if i get a couple of hours, that's great. if i get ten, that's great too. sleep really doesn't matter much to me. i typically can function with little sleep. for instance, earlier this week, i ended up sleeping for two hours because i was suffering from insomnia. i couldn't sleep because i was worried that i couldn't wake up for my appointment the next day. so after tossing and turning for 2 hours, i got up at 2am, fiddled around with my facebook account and decided to go back to sleep at 4am. got back up at 5:45am. went to work at 6:30am and didn't get back home that night until 9pm. felt like shit but it wasn't so bad.
i'm in denial. i don't like it. my worst atrribute is that if something is not right, i just put it in the back of my mind and ignore it. that's how i've dealt with problems all of my life. with my relationship with deidra, my financials, my career, everything. it's unfortunately because i think if change my mentality, if i get motivated, if i'm not such a slacker, i think i could be really successful with every aspect of my life.
i need to reevaluate my life. i feel trapped. familial piety, marriage, my fear of failure, my self-doubt. bugger.
part of growing up or growing old means that one has more responsibilities. now i worry about paying off my school loans, my credit card bills, any bills for that matter, how i can get my marriage to work again, how to go about getting a new, better paying job, getting out of this funk i've been in for the past year, being more optimistic about life, and not being so annoyed by things or being critical of every little thing.
i've never been one who value sleep. if i get a couple of hours, that's great. if i get ten, that's great too. sleep really doesn't matter much to me. i typically can function with little sleep. for instance, earlier this week, i ended up sleeping for two hours because i was suffering from insomnia. i couldn't sleep because i was worried that i couldn't wake up for my appointment the next day. so after tossing and turning for 2 hours, i got up at 2am, fiddled around with my facebook account and decided to go back to sleep at 4am. got back up at 5:45am. went to work at 6:30am and didn't get back home that night until 9pm. felt like shit but it wasn't so bad.
i'm in denial. i don't like it. my worst atrribute is that if something is not right, i just put it in the back of my mind and ignore it. that's how i've dealt with problems all of my life. with my relationship with deidra, my financials, my career, everything. it's unfortunately because i think if change my mentality, if i get motivated, if i'm not such a slacker, i think i could be really successful with every aspect of my life.
i need to reevaluate my life. i feel trapped. familial piety, marriage, my fear of failure, my self-doubt. bugger.
