john peel - RIP

i just read in the news that john peel died of a heart attack whilst vacationing in peru. that's sad.

school is going pretty well. i had a stats midterm yesterday that i was really stressing out on. sure i only studied for about 2 hours, but it went pretty well i hope. it was like everyone was saying, he basically just cut and pasted the questions on the quizzes onto the midterm and added about 10 new questions. so it wasn't as bad as i thought it was going to be.

i got a paper back yesterday from my foundations class. apparently, my papers aren't too bad. i'm not sure what i got on my writing assignment one, but writing assignment two i got a 14/15. issue paper one 6.5/8, issue paper two 7/8. pillar presentation 4/5. i heard that my group got a pretty lousy grade on our class faciliation presentation. oh well.

went to a wedding on sunday. it was really nice. of course, i had a paper and the midterm (stats) on the following day, so i was a bit worried about that. but it was a really interesting wedding. seeing frank again. i don't know if i dislike him or not. he seems like a bastard, but i think he's really charismatic as well.

this week is going to be a bitch. two papers next week and a class presentation. but after that, i am done with one class, a final in stats and a revised paper and final paper due in foundations. so not too much work, but the final paper is like 15 pages. *sigh*

i've been slacking on the running too. i can't get any work done on saturday when i go running because i get so tired after that. anyway, i'm going to get some lunch now.

yikes, i'm not white!

okay, so i've finished my readings for this week. (mental props are welcomed)

now, i have the dreaded paper to write. to think i have another issue paper due sometime next month is just not sitting well with me.

now i'm thinking is it really that bad? i mean, i'm getting a pretty good education here and at least i'm not really suffering right? i could be dead in the gutter somewhere pumped full of speed or something other form of drugs. or i could be working at the VA again, which is horror beyond horrors.

i'm going to go take a nice hot shower and i'm going to come back and start on this. from this moment on i'm going to take hold of my life and i'm going to start on my papers early. yes, you've read it here first. i'm not going to procrastinate anymore.

someone mentioned that she enjoys reading my blog and that she likes the way i write (thanks, julia) which she correlated to ease of writing academic papers. as much as i wish she was correct in the matter, writing academic papers is really difficult for me. i'm sure just like everyone else, the first (introduction) paragraph is like my everest. it's nearly impossible. i envy those people who could churn out a paper in like three or four hours. maybe it's because i not very good with concentrating on the task at hand. i think it takes me like several hours to come up with my intro and then it gets slightly easier after that.

i've been slacking off this week big time. i didn't do much of anything since wednesday and i guess i'm paying heavily for it now. i did watch my first episodes of sex and the city. i didn't think it's as great as what people make it out to be. maybe it's just me. kristin davis is definitely the best looking women on that cast. it's kinda sexist of me to say that, but hey, i'm a guy after all.

i'm not sure if i mentioned this on a previous blog or not. i don't think so given the frequency of which i blog nowadays, which isn't very much. so several weeks ago, i was climbing into my car at school, when some guy in an electric wheelchair came up next to me and asked me for some change so he can buy his kids some food. of course, i said the obligatory "sorry don't have any." then he said something to the effect of damn foreigners being penny pinchers.

now, let me interject here for a second. since coming to america, which basically has been 21 years now, i've never been attacked racially. sure, i have some guy in high school (scott r.) tell me that he hated me. it's sort of funny because i didn't even know him that well. i must have pissed him off in a previous life. anyway, so never have i been attacked for being a foreigner before.

in a way, i've always seen myself just like everyone else. correct me if i'm wrong, but i feel that i think like a white person all the time. only when i'm at a chinese restaurant or at a chinese market do i think like an asian. in a way, my perception of myself is that of a white person. i know people joke a lot about me WANTING to be white (bno and all that british crap). but having grown up here in america and the fact that most of my asian friends were born here or came here at an early age, i don't really think "asianally" (not a word). i don't think in terms of what a chinese person would think. if that was the case, i would probably be in law school or medical school right now (yes, i know. stereotypical fran coming out) anyway, a lot of the time, i'm more comfortable being in situations where there were more white people than asians. maybe it's because i feel asian people are privately judging me in some way.

so anyway, i retorted to the guy, "well yeah, and we're all rich." it was like the first stereotype i can think of in my head. it's probably not the best thing to do in that kind of situation. but i was a bit pissed off. how dare he say such a thing to me. fuck, i've been living in this country for the majority of my life, i pay taxes so he can get social security benefits. and he's bitching at ME for not giving him money? anyway, he came back with "go back to you own country."

WOW, how fucked up is that? i just rephrased my "all asians are rich" bullshit at him as i drove away. the ironic thing is that i'm not rich, which is pretty much the funny part in this whole story. i wasn't mad, i was more shocked than anything. i think it's the first time that someone saw me as different, which is a bit of a shock.

so now, i'm beginning to think a lot about being different. inside, i don't feel any different from the white people i know. but now i know that people see me as chinese (or asian) and that's definitely an eye-opener for me. deidra mentioned that i don't really have a lot of white friends, especially white female friends. and the truth of the matter is that i don't really have a lot of white friends. i guess there is mark, but mark's a fucking egg, so he really doesn't count.

i don't think i specifically pick out my close friends because they are asian. they just happen to be asian. i think i definitely get along with white people, as evident from some people i met at school. do i intentionally pick out non-asians as friends? i generally talk to people who are either white or latino/a when i'm at school. do i make it a point not to seek out asians at school to talk to?

well anyway, that's something i have to think about now. oh, i almost ran over some girl several weeks ago. the sun was in my eyes, and my windshield is really dirty, so i didn't see her. luckily, i stopped because there was a stop sign, and i heard someone hitting the hood of my car. i looked, and there was some girl on a walk. yikes. sorry about that.

i finally went to finish seeing hero with deidra on wednesday. it wasn't as good as i thought it would be. on friday, i went to see "friday night lights," which was okay as well. it's no hoosier. so as you can see, i totally slacked off this week, and i feel no guilt. no guilt, but just pain now cuz i have that paper hanging over my head. blah.

okay, time to go shower.

when will my suffering end...

the kettle is on. i'm making tea. it's not even dark yet, but hell, i need to get an early start.

i have a paper that's due tomorrow. it's silly how much papers i have to write. okay, it's not really the quantity, but the quality. first it has to be grammatically correct (hahaha - me, grammatically correct, that's really a laugh), then i have to use correct APA style on these papers, and then, i have to have sources to back up my arguments. it's so fucking tiring.

so for this issue paper, i need four sources. actually, that's getting a bit ahead of myself. i need to find an issue to write about. that's really the most problematic of anything. so i'm aimming for a 5:00pm start to this paper.

right now, i'm reading some of the assigned readings for next week. i'm taking a little break to blog (my professor said that daily journal writing is useful).

one of the kitties stabbed me with his claws last night and it hurts like a bitch. no wonder i don't like cats, they cause me pain. of course, i cause them pain too, but that's okay cuz i do it out of love. :)

next weekend is going to be crazy. luckily, i don't have any assigned papers to do so that's a nice reprieve. saturday's cecil's birthday party, sunday, i have the dolphin run, then joshua's birthday party and, AND, here's the big one... it's deidra's birthday on sunday. i need to go get gifts and plan something for her later that night.

i'm getting a little sick of my classes. i don't feel i have anything to offer intellectually in class discussions. i can't really retain what i read during the week previous. i feel everyone knows a lot more than i do, and i suspect that's because they actually work in the profession. speaking of which, i should really look for a job because my bank account is going to be depleted by the end of this month. i love when the slacker me is in complete control of my life.

i really hate the fact that i procrastinate on all my papers. i feel so hateful when i do that. i hate life, i hate cats, i hate people. i hate staying up late because i have to finish the damn thing. at least i'm not such a slacker that i don't finish the papers on time. they might not be great, but at least they are done.

it's not really a good idea to drink two nights in a roll before a paper is due. i went over to mark's on friday and drank. then i went over to carlin's last night and drank. it would be totally heinous if i drank tonight. funny, but heinous. all this shit is causing me stress. i used to take pride in the fact that i like stress. it makes me feel alive. but then there's job stress and then there's stressing about livelihood. i mean shit, i've got bills to pay, and i'm not doing much about them. good one fran.

so that's my plan for today, read my readings, write my paper and in between, i'm going to watch tv from 8-10pm (american dreams and law and order: criminal intent). i think we're going to have to get tivo so i don't waste time during sundays to watch tv and have a paper due.

i love this song by midge ure called "reap the wild wind." it's comes on at times on my yahoo radio. it's so 80's without being overly 80's. i wish there were more of that great music nowadays instead of the shit they play on the radio like hilary duff and whatever the crap they are playing. i got some gift cards from friends for tower records and virgin megastore, but i can't really use them cuz there's nothing i feel like buying.

actually, next year, i'm going to request that people get me gift cards to amazon.com. that would help with all the textbook purchases. christ, i spent like $600 on books this semester. it's disgusting and i hate it. but i like the fact that i can mark all over the books and write worthless notes on them. yeah!

okay, i think the kettle is whistling and i'm going back to my reading. happy days.

the man from japan

can i just tell you how happy i am that ichiro broke the single season hits record last night. it's just an amazing feat and even though i'm an angels fan, i really like ichiro as a player. he doesn't complain, goes out and plays hard all season. yeah, a pretty good role model.

so i finished one of my papers today. the easy one. now i have the monster 4-6 pager, which i feel is going to be a real pain in the ass. i also have to read a 20+ page article and prepare a presentation on it. good stuff. actually, the worst part of october is going to be over in two weeks. i'm definitely looking forward to that.

i need to get a job soon. it's nice not having to go to work, but it's not so nice when your bank account is slowly dwindling to $0 balance. there's an ugly though.

yesterday, when i was at king taco, i saw some girl who i think went to my high school. i don't recall her name, but i think she's a year or two younger than me. and i haven't bother checking to see if she's in the yearbook either. it's really not that important to me at this point, but i thought i'd mention it.

today, while writing my paper at the coffee bean next to the theatre, i saw a south pas alum working there. terrance. i remember being friends with him in junior high and parts of high school, but after that we kinda fell out of touch. he was a pretty quiet guy. i got a banana muffin from him today, but i wasn't sure if he remembered me or not. i decided not to say anything cuz i didn't want him to get embarrassed about working there (which means i'm still an ass for thinking that people who work there should be embarrassed). sometimes i think about working there so i can actually make some money, but i would be too embarrassed.

there was an anti-bush demonstration in the corner of garfield and main tonight. it was pretty interesting because the only demonstration i've ever seen in la is by the federal building in the westside. anyway, there were posters and cars honking. kids wearing bush/cheney sweatshirts were totally outnumbered by the kerry/edwards supporters. it would be depressing if bush won again. democrats need to go out and vote so we won't have to deal with george anymore. i'm sick of him.

in about six hours, i'm going to be running 5 miles. good times. good times.